Lolita: Good for More than "Feeling Pretty"

Me with some of the members of my community.

That's right--Lolita has more benefits than being able to feel beautiful. Despite the sweet "little girl" aesthetic, Lolita has actually helped me grow up.


I freely admit it--I'm a momma's girl. And although my close relationship with my mother brings me more happiness than I could ever part with, it brought me one other thing: dependency.

Without going into too much detail, let's just say I was severely handicapped when it came to the social department due to a psychological disorder. Stores, parties, restaurants...all were terrifying places for me. I couldn't order at McDonalds on my own without having a veritable panic attack! In short: I couldn't do things for myself that some people do almost daily. My parents did everything they could to help me, but I stayed this way into my early 20s, when a breakdown finally caused them to put me into therapy.

By this time, I had been into Lolita for about a year. My parents were unsupportive of my hobby, probably because they saw it as trying to return to childhood--something that would not help me with my social predicament. I was starting to see some benefits of Lolita in my life: When I put on Lolita, I knew I was pretty. When people stared at me in the mall, I didn't have to wonder if there was some smudge in a horrible place; instead, I simply attributed it to the clothing and smiled. When I was in Lolita, I didn't care what anyone else thought of me...a refreshing change from my daily self-critisism. I knew I loved Lolita for these things, but the bulk of my "Lolita therapy" had yet to come.

Recently, I found myself the head of my local community. I certainly didn't seek this; it happened mostly because I wanted to see more of my friends and started planning meetups. Pretty soon I found myself creating and modding a new community (the old one got spammed and the owner was MIA) and dealing with a whole new set of pressures. I had to make sure the community stayed a fun and safe place for everyone. I had to set down and enforce community rules. I had to plan the meetups, and then make sure everybody got there and back okay. Not to mention making sure everybody had fun (yes, call me over-performing, I know I can't FORCE people to have fun)! Suddenly there was no time to cower in the corner wondering if the ticket-taker would think I was an idiot. Not attending meetups was not an option. I had to go grow up.

As far as I know, none of my community members knows the number of obstacles I conquer at a simple meetup. And that's a good thing; it means I can act like a regular adult! To save face with my community, I make myself do things I normally wouldn't with an attitude I generally don't possess. I actually order for myself! I take charge, making sure everything runs as smoothly as possible. I decide things! Recently, I've found myself looking forward to my Lolita meetups not only because I can dress up and see friends, but as an opportunity to force myself to be an adult. I've already seen some of these behaviors becoming easier for me in everyday life, and hope eventually to become as independent as I want to be.

That's right--Lolita is helping me grow up. And I love it! I'm even giving a panel at an upcoming convention...and I'm in charge. I'm looking forward to it!

To the reader: What unexpected benefits have come to you through Lolita fashion?